Just ask Jesus to take you there.
Our Father loves you. Jesus gave His life for you and rose again so you could spend forever in Heaven, and so those you love could too. You don’t have to “figure it all out”. You don’t have to reconcile your whole life. Just ask Jesus to be your Savior and He will. And He will take you to Heaven because He loves you so much.
As for faith. I think way too many people confuse faith with how they feel on any given day. But Faith is really about who we choose to follow every single day. And it is that choice that makes all the difference 😊
Meet you at the Gate 🙂